Musings...

I wasn't given the ability to conceive a child in my womb, but God blessed me with love for children and that love grows in my heart just like a child grows in his/her mothers womb.
On Christmas Day as we were returning to Catoosa from my grandparents house we got the call we had been waiting ten months to receive. A birth mom had chosen us to parent her daughter that she had given birth to that morning. The roads were terrible from all the snow and ice, but we sped up anyway to get to the hospital to see our precious new daughter. After spending an hour at a standstill on the turnpike because of wrecks we finally made it. We spent two days with birthmom and the sweetest baby girl. On Sunday the 27th we were discharged and spent the next two nights at my parents. On Monday we took birthmom out to lunch to spend some time with her and so she could see the baby. Tuesday we headed home. Mom, Dad and Jen came with us since we had all of our Christmas things plus a new baby. Once we got home we continued to love and spoil that baby rotten. We painted her room, put up the crib and all kinds of nesting things you do when you add a new baby to the family.
Yesterday afternoon I got the phone call that every adoptive mother hopes and prays will never come. Birthmom wanted her baby back after she had been in our home for ten days. I had known it was coming - even before we left the hospital with sweet baby girl. You know when you know something in your gut and all you can do is just pray it doesn't and chalk it up to worrying. I hadn't had my quiet time in a few days since we were in the hospital and such. When I started reading my Bible again the next weeks lessons were on forgiveness. I know that God was preparing me to let go. I knew in my gut what was going to happen. Every time my phone would ring my heart would sink into my stomach.
Birthmoms have always been my hero. I know that has to be the hardest decision to deny themselves the ability to raise that child and see them daily. All of my children will know that their birthmom loved them so much - that they chose to give them life and that they chose to give them the best life possible, even if that means allowing someone else to raise them.
All of our family loves sweet baby girl so very much. My arms are just aching this morning missing cuddling with her. She was a very cuddly baby - and I am definitely a cuddler. Even after all the heart ache I would do it again in a heartbeat. I was able to be mommy to sweet baby girl for ten days. I know that she won't remember it, but I'm thankful that we were able to love and provide for her for those ten days. I was finally able to be a girl mommy for those ten days! :)
I know that God has another baby out there for our family. Please pray for us, for our future birthmom and child, and most of all for sweet baby girl.
Here's one of the scriptures that was in my Bible study this week - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28
Stay tuned - God has big things planned for our family.
Next post won't be so depressing... I promise :)