Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I wasn't given the ability to conceive a child in my womb, but God blessed me with love for children and that love grows in my heart just like a child grows in his/her mothers womb.
On Christmas Day as we were returning to Catoosa from my grandparents house we got the call we had been waiting ten months to receive. A birth mom had chosen us to parent her daughter that she had given birth to that morning. The roads were terrible from all the snow and ice, but we sped up anyway to get to the hospital to see our precious new daughter. After spending an hour at a standstill on the turnpike because of wrecks we finally made it. We spent two days with birthmom and the sweetest baby girl. On Sunday the 27th we were discharged and spent the next two nights at my parents. On Monday we took birthmom out to lunch to spend some time with her and so she could see the baby. Tuesday we headed home. Mom, Dad and Jen came with us since we had all of our Christmas things plus a new baby. Once we got home we continued to love and spoil that baby rotten. We painted her room, put up the crib and all kinds of nesting things you do when you add a new baby to the family.
Yesterday afternoon I got the phone call that every adoptive mother hopes and prays will never come. Birthmom wanted her baby back after she had been in our home for ten days. I had known it was coming - even before we left the hospital with sweet baby girl. You know when you know something in your gut and all you can do is just pray it doesn't and chalk it up to worrying. I hadn't had my quiet time in a few days since we were in the hospital and such. When I started reading my Bible again the next weeks lessons were on forgiveness. I know that God was preparing me to let go. I knew in my gut what was going to happen. Every time my phone would ring my heart would sink into my stomach.
Birthmoms have always been my hero. I know that has to be the hardest decision to deny themselves the ability to raise that child and see them daily. All of my children will know that their birthmom loved them so much - that they chose to give them life and that they chose to give them the best life possible, even if that means allowing someone else to raise them.
All of our family loves sweet baby girl so very much. My arms are just aching this morning missing cuddling with her. She was a very cuddly baby - and I am definitely a cuddler. Even after all the heart ache I would do it again in a heartbeat. I was able to be mommy to sweet baby girl for ten days. I know that she won't remember it, but I'm thankful that we were able to love and provide for her for those ten days. I was finally able to be a girl mommy for those ten days! :)
I know that God has another baby out there for our family. Please pray for us, for our future birthmom and child, and most of all for sweet baby girl.
Here's one of the scriptures that was in my Bible study this week - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28
Stay tuned - God has big things planned for our family.
Next post won't be so depressing... I promise :)


Leigh said...

Oh Jamie...my heart just aches for you and your family! I can't begin to know your pain. I am so VERY sorry!

Take care! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

NHP said...

Very well said. You can see Christ all throughout this post. Thank you for sharing your heart and I know that everyone will be praying for the right child to come to their forever home, your home.
Hugs and love,

Julie said...

I'm so sorry. We'll be keeping you all in our thoughts.

Hewett Happenings said...

Oh Jamie and Daniel. I just don't know what to say other than we're praying for you.

Nadra said...

Oh Jamie...that just breaks my heart. How painful this must be for you. If I were there, I'd give you a great big hug and we could just cry together. I KNOW that God must have big things planned for your family. Hang in there.

Send love, hugs and prayers your way.


erinlo said...

Jamie....my heart hurts so much. I am so sad to hear this news and yet encouraged by your attitude. The Lord is preparing you for great things, my friend. I look forward to seeing what they are!

Kim said...

Jamie, you are a special woman, you are so right, God has BIG things planned for your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I really am sorry.

emmafudd said...

Jamie, I cannot tell you how my heart breaks for you...I have always known that I couldn't adopt from a country that required two visits, one to meet your child and then another (in several weeks or months) to bring that child home. Once I was told that child was mine, I knew there would be no going back for my heart. I just say that to prefice my next statement...I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry you lost your precious, loved, longed for little girl. Even now, weeks after reading your blog for the first time, I can't type this without weeping. I pray for your peace and your comfort and I am thankful that you are seeking God in the midst of your pain. That is such a testimony. I will continue to pray for His will in adding to your family and for healing for you all.

Willis said...

My heart aches for you. I know how it feels to have an empty womb. God gave us a desire for children. In His time, it will all come to pass. The hardest part is waiting on that time to come.


Laura said...

I'm so sorry Jamie. I'm way behind the eight ball on this, but I have no doubt that you're still hurting. I'm praying.